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  • "Help, are you okay? I'm worried about my child."
    Many parents suffer from worries. If you, as a parent, carry worries with you for a long time, it can cause stress. So it's very valuable to reach out and express any concerns you have so that solutions can be looked at and the stress you are carrying is reduced. Read below how we respond when an educator comes to us with concerns. The Parent Phone: It is very understandable that you are concerned, and it is good that you are in contact with others. We all understand that as a parent you often have concerns. Take a look at what you've already tried to improve the situation. What actually worked, even if only a little bit? Try to become aware of this, because as a parent you already know a lot. Anything that works (even if only a little) can be used to make your situation a little better. And ask yourself what you need in this situation. Who or what can help you reduce your worries? What kind of help have you thought of so that you don't have to do this alone? As parents, we often spend too long worrying on our own, while there are a lot of resources around us that we don't use. Finally, what if you look back at this phase in 10 years? What helped you through this? And what has helped you as a family through this?
  • "It's just too much, I'm so tired, how am I going to do this?"
    The combination of work and family can exhaust some parents, especially if they are single or if there are difficult factors involved, such as little involved friends or family, a difficult ex-partner or financial problems. This can be extremely stressful for a parent and it can feel like a burnout is imminent. Below you can read how we react when a parent comes to us who shows signs of fatigue and/or desperation. The Parent Phone: Parenting can be tough, especially when certain things don't go your way. And you get so few breaks, the train rumbles on. It's actually great that many parents just manage to keep it up. And you, how do you actually get it all together? How come you manage to get up every day, take the kids to school, cook and work? Ask yourself how much energy you have right now. If you were to rate yourself between 0 (no energy) and 10 (a lot of energy), what would you score? You probably don't score yourself high, but think about it, what is in that low score? What makes you not give yourself a -1? And how can you make it a point higher? What do you do to recharge? And if you can't think of anything, think back to what you used to do to recharge. A bit provocative perhaps, but what should you keep doing to get burned out? Precisely! So you will do less of that, and more of the things you charge from. Self-care is extremely important. Imagine talking to a friend in 6 months and telling you that you are doing better, what will that friend notice about you?
  • "Am I doing well enough? I don't know if I can."
    Oh how you sometimes find yourself in parenting! Every parent sometimes has doubts and wonders if others might be doing much better. When in doubt, it is difficult to take action and take steps. Sometimes doubt can also be a sign of perfection. You want to do everything right, and if you don't succeed, the critical voice will judge you. Perfection is not possible in parenting and upbringing, fortunately! We are all human, we all make mistakes. Below you can read how we approach the conversation when someone comes to us with doubts or uncertainties. The Parent Phone: Parents who struggle with doubts or uncertainty are something we often speak to. Uncertainty can also be a beautiful thing: you strive for a better situation and it may also make you extra careful. But of course it is an unpleasant feeling and as parents we are often too hard on ourselves. How nice it would be if you could experience parenthood with pride and self-confidence, wouldn't it? We wish this to everyone. Do you also give it to yourself? Can you find out for yourself how it feels when the problem is no longer there? And can you describe that, what does that look like? And what else do you do? What will others notice about you? If you look back at your past, what small step has already succeeded in improving the situation a bit? Do you know someone who would react very differently in this situation? Someone you look up to, as a person or as an educator: a kind of strong grandmother, aunt, girlfriend or idol? And what would this person do if he or she were in your shoes? Imagine that a good friend is in the same situation and shares this same feeling with you. What would you advise her?
  • "Others are doing it wrong, no one understands me! I'm angry. What should I do?"
    It can be so difficult when things don't turn out the way you want, or dealing with a sense of injustice and anger. It takes a lot of energy when relationships don't go well, when your child is in a difficult/challenging phase, when there is a collision with work or school. Every parent knows the feeling that you are sometimes angry with the world around you and have blame. Below you can read how we approach the conversation when someone comes to us with feelings of frustration, injustice, anger and/or powerlessness. The Parent Phone: How good that despite the frustration you manage to find time and space to look for solutions. How do you keep it up? Try to imagine what the ideal setting looks like. How do you feel, where do you notice a difference? And what do others notice that is different about you? How exactly is what you are angry about a problem for you? And what do you estimate the chance that what you are angry about will change in the short term? Suppose the situation changes in the direction you want, what would that mean for you, what would you do differently? And if the situation does not change in the direction you want, what can you do to improve the situation? And when you look back at this phase ten years from now, what helped you get through this?
  • "Is this normal? Is this supposed to be? I'm a little embarrassed."
    Are you walking around with something that you find embarrassing? Is it about your child's development? Or about something about yourself? Not sure how to deal with this? Do you doubt whether it is 'normal'? Join the club! Many of us doubt this, and we are incredibly often called or chatted by parents who struggle with shame and embarrassment. Below you can read how we try to find solutions together with them. The Parent Phone: What is 'normal'? It's not bad at all to doubt every now and then and not know. At De Oudertelefoon we do not know any 'embarrassing' subjects. Everything is recognizable and everything passes. Let's take a look at your problem, because you are definitely not alone. More parents run into this and it is good that you have come to look for solutions. Do you actually have a vision on this specific subject? What do you think is important to pass on to your children? What is your vision in education? What did you need from your parents when you were the age your child is now? Suppose you and your child look back on this situation ten years from now, what would you like your child to say about it? Do you have someone in your area who is not embarrassed, how would he or she handle this? Is there someone in your area with whom you can spar about this? You don't have to do it alone, you can always ask for help.
  • "I feel sad. Shouldn't I be happy?"
    Pink cloud, where? I can't see it!? Having a baby is an intense event. It is therefore not surprising that you have mood swings after giving birth, for example. But sometimes there is more to it, such as postpartum depression. If you experience sadness and gloom as a parent, this is often accompanied by feelings of guilt, because you should be very happy, right? But every parent will have to deal with gloom, sad feelings or even depression, because they are part of life and are a reaction to intense events. Parenting is hard and sometimes you really run into yourself. Do you also find it difficult to talk about this? The Parent Phone: It is quite normal to feel sad or depressed at times. Did you know that 13% of all mothers alone suffer from postpartum depression? You're really not alone. Many fathers also experience gloom. It feels heavy, but it's usually temporary. Going through intense experiences and sad feelings takes time. Give yourself time for this. And talking about your experiences, problems and feelings can help immensely. So good to have you here. Of course you can also call us :)Ask yourself what you want your life to look like in a month. The same people and circumstances are still there, but you feel a little less affected by your feelings. What exactly does that look like? Grab a pen and paper and write the following: If you had to rate yourself (0 - 10) for how hopeful you are, what would you rate yourself? Write down what's in that number? And then the last step: how can you make it half a point higher? Sometimes in parenting we forget to take care of ourselves. What do you actually do to take care of yourself? What do you charge from? What gives you energy, even if only a little bit? And maybe a bit of a silly question, but imagine: you have become an old and wise person and you look back on this period in your life. So what do you think that wise person would advise you to do to get through this period? What would this person say about how to comfort yourself? What would this old and wise person wish for the younger version? Know that you are always welcome to call and chat with one of our volunteers. You don't have to do it alone!
  • "I feel guilty. How do I make up for it? I'm failing as a parent."
    Ahh, that gnawing guilt! What parent doesn't feel guilty? You feel guilty because you think you work too much, that your children watch too much TV or because you have become too angry with your child. Fortunately, you probably also know that no parent is perfect. Even the most laid-back parents yell sometimes. Below you can read how we react when parents come to us with a feeling of guilt. The Parent Phone: "Take a look at where your feeling of guilt comes from. Do you think you are not there enough? Do you sometimes lose your temper? Or do you have another reason to feel guilty? Be aware that you are not the only one you have this feeling. It is very recognizable for every parent! Could it be that you set the bar very high for yourself? Check out when you are actually doing quite well? When do you not feel guilty? And what will come instead? Every parent makes mistakes sometimes, that's okay. How you deal with it is another story. So if you have become angry, what can you do next? Have you ever experienced an angry parent as a child? Go back to your childhood yourself, what would you have needed from your parents? Try to put yourself in your own child's shoes, what do you think he/she needs from you? You know him/her best! Have you ever had an open conversation with your child? It takes courage to admit that something didn't work out or that you made a mistake. But isn't that a great lesson to pass on to your children?
  • "Help! I think I need professional help."
    Things are not going well at your home and you do not recognize yourself in the above stories. Do you think it's much more serious with you? Do you really feel like you have a problem, and do you need help quickly? How good that you found us. For example, you are seriously worried about your child. Or your partner and you have a lot of fights, which affects the children. You may be saying or doing things you wouldn't like, but you can't get out of the downward spiral. You may feel ashamed and experience a lot of stress. It's good to talk about your concerns. It is important for children that they are loved and feel safe at home. This can be reduced due to all kinds of problems. Then it's good to ask for help to make it better at home, for everyone. The Parent Phone: It's good of you to contact us, it's probably not easy for you. It takes courage to ask for help. It is the first step towards improving your situation. So very good that you found us. What kind of help have you already thought of? What kind of help do you think is most useful to you? Who or what can help you? What do you want instead of the problem? Sometimes we skip help and support from our immediate environment too quickly. But maybe friends or family can help. We would like to give you the best help. Did you know that in addition to medical help, your GP is also there for psychological help and support? The general practitioner can refer you to, for example, a psychologist or other care support. GPs are used to dealing with concerns and problems that can be very sensitive. If all goes well, they won't quickly find something crazy, scary or weird. You can talk to your doctor about a lot. General practitioners, like other doctors, have professional secrecy. There is also an online general practitioners portal, where you can find answers to a lot of questions.< /p> Do you suspect domestic violence or child abuse? Look here what you can do. Using questions about parenting you can see here where you can best contact you nearby. This is arranged differently per municipality. Some municipalities organize help through the Center for Youth and Family (CJG), others have social (neighborhood) teams, youth teams or websites with complete care and parenting information. Are you looking for someone to help you get your family life back on track? Look for a family coach in your municipality, this help is reimbursed. Click here to get more information about this. find. Do you have another question or concern, and do you not recognize yourself in what we describe above? Know that we'd love to talk to you live about what's happening at your home. This can be done via telephone and chat and is always anonymous.
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